Carrying the Cross of Family - Matthew 10: 34-42

Grace to you and peace from God our Father and from our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Amen.

In this morning’s Gospel lesson, Jesus is continuing His instruction and warnings concerning the life of discipleship. To help understand what the life of discipleship is like, he uses the visual image of the cross. : “Whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me.”

Crosses…we have them all around us as Christians. In my office, I have a cross wall. They are made out of various materials, of different sizes, of different styles. Some were mass produced and commercially available and a few were made by hand – including by me. They were mostly picked up by friends, family, and church members who thought I would like them. But Jesus does not mean by “take up your cross from the shelf at Hobby Lobby.”

We sometimes use the expression, “it’s my cross to bear,” when referring to a particularly difficult moment, challenge, disability, illness, or unpleasant task. So, you will hear of cancer, or alcoholism, or an unpleasant boss, or a dangerous job, or grief over the death of a loved one all referred to as “a cross.” While those certainly are difficult and unpleasant things to deal with in this life, Biblically speaking, those are not crosses, either. These, too, are not what Jesus means by “take up your cross.”

Biblically speaking, crosses are difficulties and challenges placed upon us by God Himself, directly or indirectly, as part of the life of discipleship – that is to say, because you are a Christian. A Christian doesn’t have a higher risk of cancer or alcoholism, or suffering the death of a loved than a non-Christian. But a Christian, placed into a context by the very hand of God and who suffers in that place and time because of the Christian faith, that Christian carries a cross.

To the disciples and those gathered around, crosses were the ultimate illustration of suffering. This is where we get our term, “excruciating.” It literally means “from the cross.” Crosses were used to put people to death in a terribly agonizing, humiliating way at the slowest possible rate of death. There was nothing quick about death by crucifixion; there was no easy way out. Someone who was crucified would suffer terribly for hours, sometimes days, until their heart and lungs gave out. So when Jesus speaks of crosses, it got people’s attention. These are powerful and profound words. Jesus is speaking this way – father against son, wife against husband – to get people’s attention. He cuts through all of our sinful and foolish selfishness and demythologizes the family and those who would practice non-charitable authority within the family.

In today’s Gospel lesson, when Jesus speaks of “take up your cross,” he is talking about the cross of the Christian family. Before a “mother-in-law” joke goes racing across your brain, let me assure you: this is no joke. There is no punchline here. Jesus is as serious as can be when he places the family in the context of the cross.

Martin Luther once said that family is one of the hands of God and it is through the family that God bestows His first blessings to a human being. As Christians we know and recognize this gift to be from Him – thus the 4^th commandment grounds all authority in the vocation of parenthood. Because the family is a gift of God, the devil will do anything he can do to destroy it. He attacks a family constantly, and no matter what age, no matter the family connection, no matter how many people are at home or if you live along he works overtime to see this gift of God destroyed.

Whether you are single or married, older or younger, you are part of a family. And when God joins a man and woman in marriage, uniting one sinner to another sinner, there’s going to be trouble. I have had a few couples tell me over the years that they don’t fight. I’m not going to argue with them – I’ll take it as true, but I’ll also submit that those couples are the exception, not the rule. But it doesn’t stop there with man and wife. When husband and wife have a child, guess what? They have produced another sinner. And just as the family multiples, so troubles and conflict multiply, sometimes exponentially. To Christians who might naively think that every Christian home will be peaceful and loving and kind and as Christian as any utopian possibility, Jesus says, “I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. And a person’s own enemies will be of his own household.”

Do you know what is at the heart of most the fights you have in your own home? You might think it’s about toothpaste, or toilet seats, dishes in the sink, or dirty clothes on the floor, but those are symptoms of a greater issue. The core is pride: when one family member, in effect, declares him- or her-self god of the castle. God has established family in a relationship where individual freedom is surrendered for loving servitude. Instead of faithfully fulfilling the vocation of father or husband, mother or wife, child or sibling, and submitting to one another in love, the individual tries to become a god – lowercase g – and the demanding, dominating voice of the situation. In other words, at heart, these kinds of fights are sins against the 1^st Commandment when we try to make ourselves out to be the god. This is true of children, parents, grandparents, husbands, wives, in-laws and out-laws: when you arrogantly make yourself the center of the family, you are guilty.

Repent. Repent of the arrogance and self-centered-ness and foolish pride; repent of making yourself out to be god in place of the Triune God. Repent of failing to see your family as a gift of God – imperfect though it may be, yes – it is still His gift for you. Repent of complaining about your mother in law to your own mother, your wife to your father, your mother to your father, your child to your neighbor, for this family is the dearest and closest relationships you will have this side of heaven. Repent…and believe the Gospel.

The Gospel says that Jesus took up His own cross for you. He, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross and scorned its shame, He took picked up His cross for the times you failed to carry your cross. He picked up the time when you told your daddy that you wished your husband would be half the man he was; He picked up the time when you angrily told your mom that you were done with her and you wanted nothing else to do with her, ever; He picked up the angry words whispered behind the locked bedroom door so the kids couldn’t hear. He picked up all of your sins and took them to the cross, paying for each and every time you made yourself out to be god in His place, trusting in your own power and authority instead of submitting in love to Him and to those whom He united you to in your family. He picked up your sins and died for them, paying the debt of condemnation with His own blood. It was no easy burden to bear. Physically, the load was so terrible that Simon of Cyrene had to come along side Jesus and carry the beam but that was only part of it. Nailed to the cross, Jesus died alone – isn’t that ironic? When we sin against our family, we do it together as a family but Jesus…Jesus died alone, abandoned even by God the Father.

Through the power of the Gospel and the spirit of God, you have been baptized into Christ Jesus. In that baptism, you are eternally connected to the cross of Jesus where forgiveness was earned for you. With the sign of the cross on your forhead and your heart in rememberance that you have been redeemed by Christ the crucified, all of your sins are washed away – even the ones you have yet to commit against your family – in the name of the Father and of the Son and the Holy Spirit. You are united to God through Christ…and so is your spouse, your child, your parents, your siblings…all likewise united to Christ.

And, that means not only are you united to Christ, but through Christ, you are united to each other. That means you aren’t just a family by blood, but also family through Christ.

Jesus reduces us to humility: the family is a gift of God, yes; but the family is always subject to God and His authority. “Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me,” Jesus said. The family is called to show mercy and grace and compassion and love and charity within the family unit, but those all stem from what God has first demonstrated to us in Christ Jesus. In other words, family members can only show the grace and mercy and compassion and love and charity that is first received from Christ. And doing that – receiving from Christ and sharing with the family – reduces the pretense. Instead of making myself out to be God, I am instead a child of God who distributes what He first delivered to me.

 So, if you want to learn cross-bearing, you don’t need to go to an oncology ward or an AA meeting. Look in the home – look in your own home. You sit at the same table with knees tucked under the same table cloth. There are times you look at each other with so much love and fulness and joy and a sense of blessing that it brings tears to the eyes. And then there are times you look at each other with so much anger and loathing and frustration and near hatred that it brings tears to the eyes, too. You can’t be that close to each other, in each other’s space, without trouble arising. And so we get crucified in our families by people we love. “It’s her fault…” “If only he would…” “My brother is such an…” And our Old Adam and Old Eve creates self-serving liberty where freedom is to be surrendered in love through Christ.

Take up your cross. You won’t have to search too hard – I promise. Take up your cross. You don’t need to manufacture one or go find one somewhere. Wherever two sinners are, there are crosses. We make them for each other, sometimes by the gross, in an attempt for our Old Adam and Old Eve to make ourselves out to be superior, to be the god of the castle. These are the crosses you live with right now, in your daily life at home. You might not call it a cross or have considered it a cross before, but you recognize it and you hate it for the burden that it places across your shoulders.

To be clear: I am not speaking of abusive relationships, where your life is literally at stake. In that situation, in order to be able to take up a cross, you might need to flee for your own sake or that of your children. And if that’s you, know you are not alone. Your brothers and sisters in Christ are here, I am here, willing and able to help you walk with you and carry that cross to safety.

But after the cross comes resurrection with its joy and celebration and promise of new life. Resurrection means the cross is in the rear-view mirror and the suffering is gone. Resurrection means there is a new beginning with sins forgiven fully and completely and restoration complete. Sinners, yes, but sinners washed clean in the blood of Jesus. Resurrection day, the day when Christ returns, the last day, the resurrection of all flesh. All of the promises made to you on that first resurrection, 2000 years ago, will be completed and you will experience the joy of the burden of all of your crosses removed from you. What a day that will be!

But we’re not there, yet. Now, we still live under the cross. The newly weds arrive at the honeymoon hotel only to discover the groom, in his haste, booked the suite for the following week. The new wife looks at her new husband and wonders how he could mess up this of all dates and what that holds for their marriage. There’s a cross to bear. Parents, holding their brand-new hour-old baby girl, start to move from the giddiness of their little baby to the real fears: how are we going to do this? There’s a cross to bear. A husband of 3 decades sits at the bedside of his beloved who, doctors say, has but a short time left in this life. There’s a cross to bear. The widower sits alone in a nursing home, no visits, no phone calls, no birthday cards, and he wonders why God hasn’t yet answered his prayer to be with his wife, fallen asleep in Jesus and waiting the resurrection of all flesh. There’s a cross to bear. Worries swirl around, fears threaten to overwhelm, and the cross looms large.

The Old Adam and Old Eve want Easter without Good Friday; the sinner wants resurrection without the cross. Newly-weds want romance without work; new parents want a soft baby without a loaded diaper. Jesus says that’s not the way of discipleship; that’s not the way of Christian life. Take up the cross.

Take up the cross and turn to your wife, who is your deepest joy and hardest struggle… Take up the cross and turn to your husband, who is all hands and no respect… Take up the cross and turn to your child who loves you when the car is gassed up and who hates you when they are grounded from going out with friends. Turn to them, take up the cross, and love them with the love of Christ Jesus. You are able to take up your cross because Jesus has taken up His cross for you and He promises that it won’t last forever…but His mercy does.