How Can I Forgive? - Genesis 45:3-15

Grace to you and peace from God our Father and from our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Amen.

A well-intentioned, but either naïve or simply foolish, individual coined the popular phrase, “Forgive and forget.” I submit that this phrase has been used to the detriment of many Christian consciences by laying a terrible burden upon them. Now, it’s relatively easy to forgive and forget someone who took your lunch out of the fridge at the office, or who didn’t return your favorite pen in 4^th period English. It’s no big deal to forgive your spouse who stole the covers the other evening, or your brother who left the toilet paper on the counter instead of reloading the toilet paper holder. We forgive and forget those little things, those little offenses, those little inconveniences all the time. On the “sin spectrum,” if I may use such an image, they are way down on the small-time sins. We forgive, and we soon forget these sin-misdemeanors.

But what about the big stuff? How do you forgive the drunk driver who ran into your car, or forget the fact that he killed your husband and left you in the hospital by yourself for three weeks? How do you forgive and forget that your spouse who was hooking up with your neighbor while you were out of town on business trips? How do you forgive your alcoholic parents who spent more time with Jim Beam and Captain Morgan then with you at a ballgame or a band concert? How do you forgive your best friend, the one you told all your secrets to, only to find out they have been spreading your story all across Instagram and Snapchat and Facebook so that everyone, it seems, at school knows and laughs and points at you while walking down the hall? How do you forgive and forget that someone once looked you right in the face and said, “I think it was a mistake that the church called you as pastor…”

“Pastor, how am I supposed to forgive him for what he did?” “She hurt me so deeply, how can I ever forgive her?” These questions that weigh heavily on the Christian conscience. After all, we know we are to forgive. We know God’s command, repeated over and over in Scripture, to forgive. We pray it in the Lord’s Prayer, “forgive us our trespasses,” but the next phrase drives a cold dagger of fear into our hearts, “…as we forgive those who trespass against us.”  

Perhaps we should pause for a moment and consider the word forgiveness.  When we speak of forgiveness, it may be helpful to think of this in the terms of surrender. When you forgive your neighbor, you are surrendering the right to get even, to take justice into your own hands, to exact revenge. Forgiveness isn’t saying “forget about it,” or to pretend it didn’t happen. Forgiveness can fully acknowledge there is hurt and pain and suffering and loss at the hands of another person – in fact, that might be necessary so the other person can repent and confess what they have done. But forgiveness surrenders the right to even the score.

So what does forgiveness look like. If there was ever a Man who should have held a grudge, who should have gotten even, this Man was it. He was betrayed by his brothers. They were jealous for the attention their Brother was getting; they were envious of the looks, the gifts, the love bestowed upon Him. They had to do something to prevent the Brother from getting it all – from their losing their place in the household! – so they conspired against Him and sold the Brother out. The Brother was tied up and hauled away, to be forgotten and discarded. When asked about their Brother, the brothers lied. Meanwhile, the Brother was sold for a slave’s price. His Sonship stripped from Him, He was made a servant. He didn’t grumble or complain; He didn’t lash out at those who held Him. Then, as a faithful Servant, He was lied against. Sinless, He was condemned and locked up for someone else’s sin. He was abandoned, forgotten, and alone, buried away to die. Yet, He forgives even these brothers.

How could He forgive what His brothers had done? How could He surrender His right for justice, for revenge, when those brothers cost Him so much – His place at the Father’s table, His rightful inheritance, His home, His innocence, His very life? How could this Brother forgive those who had sinned against Him?

Let’s go back to that word, forgiveness, for a second. There’s another synonym for forgiveness that might be helpful. That word is redeem. Forgiveness – redemption - isn’t easy; it’s not cheap; it’s not free.  Forgiveness – redemption - costs the forgiveness-giver a terribly high price. Forgiveness is a bloody event. It takes a life to forgive. It takes Jesus, who purchased and won us from all sins and from death and the devil, not with gold or silver, but with his own precious blood.  In a real sense, to forgive is to say that the sin-debt owed to you is already paid.

So, let’s go back to the Bible story for a second. How could the brother forgive, redeem, his brothers? Oh…wait…you thought I was talking about Joseph, didn’t you and how he forgave the brothers who sold him down the river? No…I’m not talking about Joseph. I’m talking about Jesus. He was betrayed by His fellow Israelites. The Jewish leaders, the Pharisees and Saducees and priests were jealous of Him. They conspired against Jesus, going so far as to purchase His life with 30 pieces of silver – the price of a common slave – hiring one of Jesus’ own disciples to be a traitor. Jesus, who left His Father’s side in Heaven, descended to earth and took on human form to be among us, to live as a servant. When He was arrested and put on a mock trial, He didn’t grumble or complain. He didn’t lash out at any of His captors, prosecutors or persecutors – even when they lied about Him and against Him. He was condemned, stripped, beaten, humiliated, nailed to the cross, and then suspended between heaven and earth, rejected by both God and man. He suffered the sinner’s death in the worst way that sinners have ever devised --- not only physically, with the crucifixion, but spiritually as well, being abandoned by His own Father.

How could Jesus utter those words, “Father, forgive them…”? Because everything Jesus did was done to redeem, to buy back the sinner and to pay for each and every sin committed. For the coworker who stole your lunch, for the classmate who stole your favorite pen; for your spouse who stole your covers, for your brother whose actions frustrated you. For the drunk driver, for the murderer, for the adulterer, for the alcoholic, for gossip, for the vindictive, for each of those people who sinned against you, out of His great love for mankind, while we were still sinners, Jesus died to redeem them in the eyes of God.

But it’s not just them – those who sinned against you – for whom Jesus died. He also died for your sins. The time you knowingly walked out of the grocery store with the extra cash that was accidentally handed you; the time you ogled the youthful beautiful bodies at the beach while your spouse snoozed next to you under the umbrella; the time you lied about your teacher or gossiped about your boss; the time you swore at your child and the time you cursed at your parents. Jesus didn’t just die for “those” wicked and awful sinners out there…He died for the wicked and awful sinners in here, and for the wicked and awful sinner in your mirror. And, with His blood as the redemption price, with His life traded for your life, God sees all of your sins covered in the blood of Jesus. When Jesus speaks to His Father on your behalf, He doesn’t say “forget about it,” He says, “forgive it…I died for him; I died for her.” And, in repentance, we surrender our sins to Christ; and in mercy and compassion, Christ floods us with forgiveness.

So, how does a Christian forgive? In a real sense of the word, you don’t. It’s not your forgiveness to give. When you say you forgive, what you are doing is relaying, sharing, the forgiveness that has been given to you by Christ. When you forgive the one who has sinned against you, you are saying – in effect – that Christ has died for you and forgiven you and He has died for me and forgiven me. What right do I have to hold against you what Christ has forgiven? You aren’t redeeming – the redemption has been done – but you are surrendering…you surrender your will to Christ’s. Instead of holding onto your neighbor’s sins and your seeming right to judge and hold it against them, you surrender to Christ’s willingness to forgive your neighbor.

Too often, though, our forgiveness is frequently conditional: “I’ll forgive, but…” It comes pre-loaded with grief: “I’ll forgive him when he’s good and sorry…” It comes with strings attached: “I’ll forgive her when she understands the pain she caused me.” Repent. Repent of your sin of prideful arrogance that someone owes you an equal pain or loss. Repent of your self-justification of being judge and jury against a fellow sinner, as if their penance will earn your forgiveness. Forgiveness is surrender, remember? Surrender your pride and ask for forgiveness for yourself. Surrender your judgement and instead, be a deliverer of  forgiveness.

Now, obviously, there are a million scenarios where giving and receiving forgiveness is involved, and I can’t touch them all in a sermon. If this is you, if you are struggling with how to forgive, or with your own burdens that need to be forgiven, I would count it an honor and privilege to visit with you in the name of Christ.

So, how do you forgive? Every day. Every day, just as you ask God’s forgiveness and mercy for yourself, every day you share the same forgiveness to others. But what about the BIG sins, the ones that hurt so badly…how do you forgive that? Begin in prayer, asking God to soften your heart. Confessing your weakness, that you are unable to forgive as much as you want to. And, note: there’s a difference between I want to, but can’t forgive because the hurt is too deep and I won’t forgive because I want to get even. The former is confessed and surrendered to Christ; the latter is held in contempt and arrogance. And, here’s something that I found helps: pray for the one who has sinned against you. Not about that person, complaining to God how bad he or she is, but put yourself in his or her shoes and pray for them…for their work, their marriage, their children, their fears, their needs. When you do that, something amazing happens: the Holy Spirit softens your own heart and you start to see that individual as a brother or sister in Christ, again, and less and less your enemy. That doesn’t mean forgiveness will be easy – if we could ask Joseph, I am sure he had moments where the memories of his brothers selling him would flare to mind. There are moments from my past that I have trouble forgiving, still. Repent, pray, and forgive again.

And, look forward to the day when all sins will be crushed and destroyed, where they will be nothing but a forgotten part of our previous lives. On the day of the resurrection of all flesh all of this will be eliminated. Instead of having to forgive, you will simply live in the fulness of God’s mercy, grace, and forgiveness in Christ.